Shaman[ista]

Emerald giving
You left and didn't look back
Broken string of pearls

Your throat and third eye
Harmonica and rattle
I felt it loosen

Sparkle in your eye
I felt the joy of your fire
Mystery untold

All Here Now

Dreams are coming true
I'm used to looking ahead
But it's all here now

Hungry

Hungry hungry hun
Gry hungry hungry hungry
Hungry hungry hun

Moussaka

steaming hot dinner
I forgot the buzzer rang
cats laying in wait

Treetop Flyer

Gramma's Dream

I asked Gramma what she likes to do and she said she likes to sleep - just like you. Then I asked her if she dreams and she said oh yes. Do you remember any of your dreams? She said yes. Like what I said. We're all on a train and we're going along the track. And then the track ends and the train stops because there's no more track. And the people are dead! Are all the people dead? No, just some of the people. Are you dead in the train? No, I'm not. So do the other people leave the train or stay in the train? Some people leave and some people don't. So how does that dream make you feel? I don't know. Do you remember any other dreams, or is that the main one? That's the main one. But sometimes the train goes into the ocean.

photo by Daniel Schwen

however far away, I will always love you

I will always love you.

What We Ate and What We Did in Croton-on-Hudson

What We Ate

Sauteed greens
Mango sorbet
Chocolate ice cream
Pasta with olives
Homemade chicken soup with leeks, carrots, and turnips
Fresh pomegranate prepared by Liz
Captain Bunny's soft-boiled egg
Love-flavored chocolate
Other-flavored chocolate
Chopped mango and vegetable salad
Country wheat bread
Butter
Shamanista brew pot of tea
Good strong coffee
Strawberry ice cream

What We Did

$100 kiss
$150 kiss
Massage to/from at least 5-6 people
Slept soundly
Yoga lesson from 5-year old
Boomerang lesson from famous boomerang athlete
Tarot readings by me
Wrestling with Lulu the Corgi
Waking up to laughter in the kitchen
Integration and healing of the multiple altars out on the lawn
Knelt in dog shit
Saw a driveway that was a fire hazard because fire trucks won't fit up it
Buried eggs in the woods
Heard about the arboretum
Received a special gift of $1
Musical instruments and singing
Women's circle in the boudoir
Whirlpool bath
Sampling skin care products
Brushed teeth
Washed face
Circled the yard three times together
Posed for photographs
Shot photographs
Went on Facebook together
Group air mattress deflation

Tedious Novels I Can't Wait to Read [or reread]

Gravity's Rainbow

Ulysses
Finnegan's Wake
At Swim, Two Birds
Remembrance of Things Past
Shogun
Infinite Jest
Atlas Shrugged
The Lord of the Rings
Kristin Lavransdatter
Against the Day
The Tale of Genji
War and Peace
Fountainhead
The Pillars of the Earth
A Dance to the Music of Time
Anna Karenina
Moby Dick
The Count of Monte Cristo
The Stand
Gospel
The Far Pavilions
Maia
Crime and Punishment
A Suitable Boy
Dead Souls
The Illuminatus! Trilogy
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

This list was inspired by suggestions I found on a Burning Man listserv.

Please comment and/or add to this list, dear readers!

(Photo: Hotel Room; Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas)

Sadness on Sunny Sunday Afternoon

All is well. Rose to the sun shining and made it to a meditation meeting. Rode my bike home and then started doing some cleaning: windowsills, dishes, mirrors, watering plants. Sang along to Sirius First Wave and laughed a lot to Howard Stern. Prepared a delicious lunch and watched an episode of 30 Rock.

So then I came to the city and stopped in a bookstore to look for a book I want to read, come to find they are out of stock. Also come to find it's only in hardcover and I don't like reading hardcover books.

After that I started walking to a great cafe. As I was walking I just started feeling sad. Like I was about to cry. And I couldn't think of anything that it could be about. I mean, OK, so the book was out of stock and in hardcover still - but that didn't really set me off or anything.

I arrived at the cafe and I met a cute guy in line to order coffee and he complimented me on my shirt and my style and asked me if I was an artist. When I said yes he said he wasn't surprised, in a good way. Did I mention he was very attractive?

Then I ran into a friend at the cafe who is very sweet and he gave me a warm hug and I chatted with him a while.

All is well, yet I still feel like I could cry.

Has that ever happened to any of you before?

Bringing Burning Man here

I went to an opening tonight for a friend's lovely yoga studio and I first of all had delicious food which seemed homemade and then talked a lot about Burning Man. Someone asked if it's hard to come back and then have to wait another whole year before it comes around again. I found myself saying that it's getting easier and easier...

It seems like everything I'm doing in my life is guided towards carrying the spirit into everything I do...

What is this spirit which I bring into everything I do?

It's difficult to explain or quantify the spirit of Burning Man, but I think it largely has to do with the gift economy that exists at Burning Man.

What is a gift economy?

Well, it's a collective understanding that everyone brings something to the table to offer and then one and all offer their gifts freely, primarily for the joy of offering and not for what might be received in return. Now what happens is everyone DOES wind up receiving A LOT, sometimes more than is comfortable or customary. Because everyone is focused on giving, naturally many are the recipients of these gifts!

WOW! It's a wonderful feeling that I wish for everyone that desires it!!!

So ultimately tonight I had the privilege of offering this explanation and in turn I received one more day being energized by this way of life that is developing not just at Burning Man, but in our lives through our imaginings of what we can offer and what we might create...

Tonight we created two camping trips (one to a harvest festival in New England and one to go do some painting en plein air upstate), at least one or two new [Facebook] friendships, a recipe exchange, and customers for the new yoga studio.

Burning Man 2009: Favorite Frames, Part 2

having the thought that it would be nice to paint my nails and then having a woman pull out a ziploc baggie filled with nail color choices moments later
riding all the way out to 10 o'clock, braving the rave clubs, finding a funky outdoor dance spot, being spotted on the dance floor by a guy in a big hat and a goofy smile, having him approach me and hit on me, then to discover that it is actually my friend D from NYC whom I didn't even know was out there
experiencing actual humidity in the evenings at Steambath in Nectar Village and not having to wait in line
crying with G
crying with K
crying in Any A
crying just because it was beautiful
sweeping up glass on the side of the road with B and having him say "you're a damned good looking woman"
being called Jennifer three times
sleeping on my own in the small dome most nights
waking up each morning to yoga teacher calling out poses within earshot
being offered a grilled cheese by a traveling grilled cheese man
seeing one of the Tuna Guys at Shamandome, having him tell me where they are located this year after having searched for nine years, and then promptly forgetting what he told me and then still not actually finding them
weinie roast one day for lunch
being served authentic Vietnamese Iced Coffee and enjoying it with the most fabulous company from all over the world
meeting G2 from France while waiting for grilled cheeses
hearing repeatedly about how amazing it was at Opulent Temple and then having to savor the legend as I never actually made it there in person
writing my desire on the Temple
the camouflaged bike which belonged to J and was with us literally until the last hours when it then mysteriously disappeared before being packed into the truck
receiving impromptu neck and back massages after only having the thought that I wanted them
having my back scrubbed and being sprayed with cool water
going to a bar and being offered a choice of cucumber juice or coconut juice on ice
Ashram Galactica
midnight meeting
photo shoots with C
surprise visit from CJ
J from Montreal whose email I promptly forgot to jot down
the porta-potty that played the tune of "Happy Birthday"
R playing at the Jazz Cafe
loving how getting dressed and made up in the evening was sometimes even more fun than being out
joyfully chopping fruits for dinner for three hours with K and F
mango lassis by K
beautiful altar and dome keeping by L
monkey chanting next door
impromptu David Deida meetup discussion at Contact Camp
tireless healing by R, B and D among others
the unexpected joy of cleaning and organizing supplies at storage unit for next year's Burn

Burning Man 2009: Favorite Frames, Part 1

braving a dust storm with large foot in tow

being called "The Goddess Azulita" continuously
K1's amazing Indian dinners
coming home to a foursome in my dome
G1's impromptu kitchen healing
learning about the Santa Fe crone and seeing the spell she made for G2
G2 = Boy George doppelganger
stepping on a burning ember when leaving the healing dome
healing reiki session with crystals for K2
thai massage with K3
sunrise NA meeting led by K4 at the Temple
freeing the Goddess within with "Magic Hands"
crystal exchange with D, K2 & B
sleeping on the beach with four friends at sacred healing lake
finding that my work has to do with spirals
swimming with my friends in sacred lake and exfoliating with healing sand
ceremony by sacred lake
incident with park ranger
the clogs B found for me at sacred lake
meeting High Priestess and learning that if i don't know that I'm on the right track
amazing details of a pagan wedding
heart alignment journey with E
the three injured left feet
the ring around the moon and coming to find it was created by a sacred Peruvian shamanic ceremony moments before
temple burn with K1, R and B:
- Amazing Grace while circling the fire
- embracing my three friends by the fire
- offering our prayers to the fire
- doing "the wave" with our voices with 1000s around the fire
- the silence of the burning with 1000s around the fire

If you'd like to hear about any of the above in greater detail, drop me a line!

COMING SOON:

More Favorite Frames
Gratitudes
Lessons Learned
Synchronicities

Request for donations for Azul's trip as a healer to Burning Man!

Dear Friends and Family,

I am departing from New York City this Sunday to spend 8 days in the desert of Nevada to participate in Burning Man, an experiment in a temporary community!

What is Burning Man?

Everyone who attends the event is encouraged to participate by offering a good or service as a gift. This year I am grateful to be serving as a healer with Shamandome, a group of 22 healers who will be offering healing services throughout the week. We are all trained in and/or studying shamanism and different healing modalities. I will personally be offering support to the shamanistic healers and assisting in workshops about shamanism. Out of respect to tribal cultures, we call ourselves "shamanistas" because we do not claim to be "shamans," a name which is reserved for extensively trained individuals who are traditionally members of a tribal community.

What is a shaman?

My trip will cost about $2000 and I have paid for it out of pocket. To help support my trip, I am requesting donations from anyone who feels moved to contribute to the costs. A donation of $1, $10, $100 or any other amount would be greatly appreciated! Any extra donations will be donated to the infrastructure of our camp for this and coming years.

I will create a special Burning Man wrap-up newsletter to let all sponsors know how the event goes which will be published when I return to New York in September.

Thank you for your generosity!

Much love,

Azul

To make a donation, please visit this secure PayPal page:

Azul at Burning Man 2008

taking it to the next level

god
goddess
great spirit
creator
universal life force energy
my mind's eye
that feeling
love
breath
wind
sun
sky
air
sleeping
dreaming
writing
music
dancing
living
uncertainty
meltdown
connecting
being
opening
pterodactyl
allah
rama
g-d

midnight oil

It's what I burn when I want to do more today than I seem to have time for.
It's also when I burn the candle which has two ends.
It's also a band from the 80s which was really fun but then got played out in the 90s and 2000s.

Hey kids, ever heard of them?

See/hear them on YouTube by clicking here

not much to say

Did a lot of listening today.

purple tutu

All I have to say is:

purple tutu!
purple tutu!
purple tutu!

[for Burning Man]

the evil that produces good

In my reading today I came across the story of a beautiful courtesan, Lou Andreas-Salomé, whom Nietzsche called an evil woman. She captivated the hearts and minds of many men in her time, yet remained a free spirit, a free agent.

Her story recalls Goethe, Faust, sufism, Rumi, paradox, divine comedy...

She continues to inspire and captivate posthumously.

source: http://www.freud-museum.at/cms/online/freud/chronolg/1921-d.htm

how do you spell "conniption?"

So, I was with my friend LJ Daimel today.
We were both in like the 99th percentile for spelling as children.
She used the word "conniption" in conversation and we got to wondering, how do you spell "conniption?"
We both spelled it out in unison, spelling bee style:

conniption. c-o-n-n-i-p-t-i-o-n. conniption.

Later we googled it and discovered we both were correct with our spelling.

How do you like that?

conniption defined

thunder and lightning!

So the thunder and lightning are back!
I find it so comforting when the rain comes again.
All of a sudden the air lightens up and there is an ominous breeze.
Makes for really good sleeping and dreaming, I always say.
I love it when it rains because it also takes the pressure off of having to have an eventful day, like when it's sunny and warm and you feel obligated to do all these things and be social and such.

I know you know what I'm talking about.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this: feel free to chime in with a comment!

an orchestra of 200 electric guitars

Out of Doors at Lincoln Center tonight...
the build up was a bit long and I was wondering, will there be a payoff?!!?!?!?!
(standing there, feet shuffling, heavy bag resting on the ground between legs)

it was in three parts
long slow progression and then part three really delivered!
it was quite beautiful, this crowd of people in the beautiful weather

I believe most of us were made proud, as the harmonies became more complex
that we showed up, and stayed until the end
that we gave it a chance and were duly rewarded by a great performance

BONUS was to ecstatically dance to the band Liquid Liquid in the next act

read about Liquid Liquid and that the song White Lines (Grandmaster Flash/Melle Mel) was actually sampled from one of their songs

Alas, I LOVE MY AMAZING LIFE!!!

in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions...

John Hughes dies at 59

Coney Island gratitudes

1) conversation with Manny
2) seduction research
3) writing desires in the sand
4) no floating diapers or syringes
5) wonderful company
6) splashing and jumping in the water
7) flirtations
8) packed a lunch
9) beach afterglow and sexy hair
10) clear night full moon

Lake Wallenpaupack Synchronicity

I just got back from working on a job at Lake Wallenpaupack in the Poconos in Pennsylvania. I knew this job was meant to be when I heard where we were going to be located:

Lake Wallenpaupack was the place that my Grandpa took all of us to in the summers of 1976-77. I remember it as a magical place where everyone seemed to be in a good mood and had so much fun! The only sad thing I remember is that I accidentally lost my brother Mike's Sergeant Murphy action figure in the sand after burying it so I wouldn't lose track of it. Well, I buried it so well that everyone lost track of it including me.

I remember hearing kids playing on the water all across the lake: splashing, swimming, in motorboats, canoes, and kayaks... they were a little bit older than me and they were having so much fun playing with their friends. I was having fun with my siblings and cousins, but I definitely remember thinking to myself how fun it would be if I was playing and laughing with a whole bunch of friends...

After those two summers, we didn't go back to that lake for vacation. This past weekend, 32 years later, was my first visit back to Lake Wallenpaupack - and hopefully not my last!

The amazing thing about my job is that it involved talking to a whole bunch of people that were a little older than me but had met each other and spent time with each other there on that same lake during those same years. It was so mystical and eerie to realize that any one of them could have been in those groups of laughing kids I remembered from when I was six years old.

I love my amazing life!

There I am with the life preserver looking pretty happy at Lake Wallenpaupack, circa 1977

And here's a close up with my Aunt Mary Helen

mercy

mercy mercy mercy

365.2425 Days, etc.

Year

winning (as a verb and an adjective)

I'm not sure whether I like the word winning better as a verb or as an adjective.

They are both rather winning actually.

As a verb, some synonyms:

succeed
achieve
beat
conquer
overcome
overwhelm
prevail
triumph
upset
walk away with

As an adjective:

bewitching
enchanting
engaging
enticing
conquering
leading
successful
victorious
pleasing
charming

What do you think?

I Ran

Obsession v2.0

listening for how to love me

gratitude for myself
dancing
going slowly
putting fun and love first
praising myself
luxuriating in my goddessliness
playful communication
spring cleaning
soft caresses
passionate sex
being held hard and fast
gazing slow and languorous
bathing, luxuriously
holding hands
physical communication
rituals together
appreciation of the moment
awareness of the moment
nonverbal communication
appreciation of beauty
working and playing together in a creative inspired way
cradle each other
singing, playing music
desire to support in the unique ways we are most gifted
hottt passionate make out sessions
oneness, singleness of purpose
mutual acknowledgment
mutual interest in life activities
desire monogamy
sensual eating
many physical projects
gardening
rolling around on the floor
divining
tango
swing
burlesque
c* s* deliciousness
p* s* l* ecstasy
EMO (male and female)
patience
trust and consistency
financial stability
lifting each other up
taking each other higher
soul gazing/eye gazing
massaging
humping
moving
guiding
eyebrow plucking
lipstick applying
fingernail painting
teeth licking
breast caressing
c* teasing
laughter
sudden grabbing
pulling close
leaning in
leaning back
laying under the stars
driving cross country
long sexy beautiful silences and glances
musical affinity in the car and in life
shamanism
crystals
tarot cards
angel cards
goddess cards
magic cards
somersaults
cartwheels
swinging 360 degrees on the swing set
weeding together
planting watermelon
watching rose bushes and grapevines grow
brushing hair
completely covering bodies with oil
clipping toenails
juggling
Reservoir Dogs
the diner at sunrise
reading together in bed children's books and art books
sudden surprise turn on
protectiveness
children
finger paints
watching paint dry
ocean frolic
beach sunset meditation
thunderstorm puddle stomping
desert sandstorm hallelujah!
light in the fog

inspired by sexy performance!

I went out to the House of Yes tonight in Brooklyn for a lovely sneak preview of my friend Tjasa's saucy one woman show (actually, there were three women, but she was the primary performer)! I got so hottt I had to take off my dress. I did however have something underneath which was lovely and presentable for the public. I felt sexy hottt, but also hot hottt because no air conditioning.

I got excited about singing, dancing, burlesque, writing, playing music, costuming, and I even got to ride a stationary bike which was actually a blender that was mixing the cocktails! I felt very powerful and alive.

Oh, how I love my life.

xoxo

JASMIN ♥ ELMO

major cleaning and spiritual shifting happening

I just did a major cleaning, sponges, mops, sage sweet grass, dusting, rinsing, sweeping... vacuuming, Rumi, Lennon, open windows, naked, sweating, cleaning Buddhas, beads, salt bath, feathers, baubles, rearranging preciousness and my bed.

Thank you.

naughty in dixon

Now I know where my naughtiness probably comes from...
Great-grandmother Helen on the left with a friend, circa 1912.

Where the latch string is always out!

^ A Side ^

^ B Side ^

Probably great-grandmother Helen's family, probably Florida in the 1910s.

smiling sunset

Probably written by my great-grandmother Helen on one of the pages of a photo album.

I'm starting my novel [again]

I woke up this morning and rolled over in my comfortable bed with relaxing light blue sheets sun streaming in the windows stretched and said to myself:

You know, I think it's now the right time to start writing that book.

Ahhhhhh!

And then I rolled over and snoozed for a few more delicious minutes.

profound connection

deep sleep
sleeping beauty
lovely day
aeon flux
mutable feminine
womanly arts
craft fair
light fare
ticket scalper
skull cap
top 40
sleep deep

subway solidarity

The folks on the Q train this evening bonded over an incident that I won't tell you about because it might make you lose your lunch (or dinner or snack).

The actual incident was incredibly over-the-top disgusting, but some thought it was worth the bonding ["we never come together," one woman said] that was so good that one guy actually took a picture - not of the incident but of the bonding over the incident.

Eavesdroppings, 3:14pm

Person A: You're like my little yogurt.
Person B: Shut up! Stop making up stupid names for me.
Person A: I love you.

iPod divination, 11:27am

1) You Make Loving Fun / Fleetwood Mac
2) The Night / Randy Stern
3) Stockholm Syndrome / Yo La Tengo
4) East Of The Sun / Billie Holiday
5) Aux Armes Et Caetera / Serge Gainsbourg
6) Part 200 of 242 of Pride and Prejudice (book on tape) / Jane Austen
7) Revelator / Gillian Welch
*bonus track (for real) - Sensé skin care informational audio track

click here to learn about Sensé!

Remote Viewing

Gebo, Rune of Divine Partnership

X

Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you.

[from the Runes].

Open Heart Reading

Obsession

eyes
elbow
riding bike
wind
air
breath
[sigh]
garden
planting
weeding
burying
my lover
my lover
my lover
xxx
xxx
xxx
talk to me
talk to me
talk to me
exposition
problem solved
focus
travel
release
prepare
arrive
relax
gaze
see
hear
taste
touch
smell
touch
taste
smell
blood
water
pulsation
trembling
silent
pause
softness
love
surrender

Angelic

My grandmother MJB was a concert harpist back in the 1930s in Illinois.
She's now got arthritic hands so no longer plays, but talks about it sometimes.
She sleeps with a rosary in her hand in case she is called to God in the night.

Fierce

So my great-grandmother Helen looks adorably calm, but check out the look in her mother's eyes.

My great-grandfather G, the Pinkerton detective

Apparently he knew Jimmy Hoffa.
Today I went into a framing shop to have an old photo of him re framed.
It was still in its original frame, with an old mat that had very classy metallic pinstripes etched onto it.

At first I wanted to keep the old mat because I thought it looked nostalgic in a good way.
I was convinced to try other options so we removed G from the mat he'd been attached to for 80 years.
In the photo he's wearing a suit (he worked undercover of course).

Then I wanted to keep the old mat due to the feeling G was pissed about being separated from his mat.
I could feel that the separation was uncomfortable for such a conservative-looking man.
He rejected every mat put up to him, but the first frame had just the right weight for his mischievous gaze.

I like to imagine him pulling out a concealed weapon and having to use it.

Finding a new mat for him was like fitting him for the perfect hat, or finding the right furniture for his office:
Out of a sense of pride in his appearance, he was stubborn and reluctant to settle for just anything.
He ultimately decided on a totally surprising design which made me think of the word "credenza."

Raveler =

One who tangles and/or one who disentangles.